There are times in life when it feels like an army has gathered outside my door, waging a war I did not start and no heart to fight. Ukraine weary of Russia. Only mine is an invasion of the heart. A ghost army camping in conflicts I did not create but am squarely placed. Phantom soldiers coming for me or for someone I love. Someone for whom I’d go to war, a cause from which I cannot walk away. There are sides in battle. Mine is for those I love and stake my life. I try to make right anything wrong. I say things in anger I cannot take back, words that cannot be unsaid, unheard. Hurting people hurt people. Doesn’t make it right, but there it is. I’m so guilty.
I don’t feel fit for this battle looming umbrella-like over my world, but you couldn’t tell this by looking at me. Nevertheless, here I am, making battle plans, arming myself. Preparing for the worse. Hoping for the best. Seeking alliances, making amends wherever possible, building my case. What can possibly return my peace?
Have you been here before?
I fear a train has left a faraway station and I wait, watch, worry, pray for someone or something to step in and save the day. The engineer is in no hurry. I have too much time, too many memories and moments to sit and stew on scary imaginary outcomes. Illusive sabers rattle stealing my peace, my joy, my everything I thought I believed in. I bargain with God. I plead. Please fix this mess. Dear God, you said “Fear not.”
But I do fear.
Exhausted, out of options, finally, in the middle of my huge panic rocky mountain, standing on the dreaded edge of my calamity cliff—I hear a still, small voice. Like no other voice. I know this voice. Lay all your burdened pitiful efforts, your trepidation, your unease, firmly at the feet of the resurrected Lord Jesus Christ. Trust Him. “Be not afraid nor dismayed by reason of this great multitude; for the battle is not yours, but God’s… Ye shall not need to fight in this battle: set yourselves, stand ye still, and see the salvation of the LORD with you.” 2 Chronicles 20:15 KJV
I summon a slim slice of courage. White flag! Here! Take it! Please. Take it all. I surrender! Even if all left is wreckage, I am too weak to fight. I will trust God, because I have no choice but to trust God. Everything depends on this One, Single, Act.
Surrender!
The LORD says to me, to you, heavy in heart, in all our situations, trust and hope in God! Because He loves us and is in total control. We don’t have to live in fear or discouragement by things we cannot control. He can make all things work together for our good. Remember…the battle is not ours, it is the LORD’s!
Connie Lakey Martin, Editor
HEART
3/8/2022
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