Cemetery Calm

by Connie Lakey Martin

I remembered a beautiful place I passed going to work, Sunnyside Cemetery.  A cemetery. Really? I'm in bad shape. But no one there would need me, or call my name. (Would hope not!) If anyone saw me, they'd think I was mourning someone dear. I was. Dear me.
       Driving through the narrow iron gate, I spotted a magnificent magnolia tree and parked beneath its sheltering branches loaded with luscious fragrant white blossoms. It was a breezy South Carolina summer evening, so I let the window down and turned off the car. I took in a long deep breath of cool twilight air, closed my eyes, and had a little talk with Jesus.
“I always begin my prayer in silence, for it is in the silence of the heart that God speaks. God is the friend of silence. We need to listen to God because it is not what we say, but what He says to us and through us that matters.”   ~ Mother Teresa
      Soaking in the undisturbed silence, the absolute soundless stones, I lost track of time and reality of place. Just beyond the gate, the world passed by. Cars carrying people living with purpose, many had problems, some full of joy, maybe anger, but oblivious to me in my moment of madness, or whatever moment it was I was having. Here the world had stopped. Ceased all being. Being all ceased. I wondered what others might think of me preferring cold company of the dead, rather than warm consolation of someone alive with caring conversation. But sometimes solitude is your best friend. No babbling, bragging, complaining. Easier to hear God's still small voice.
       So, there I was alone. Or was I? Hundreds of human remains surrounded me, bearing their short simple epitaphs, their tiny dashes of life on earth. I felt sad they no longer existed in reality. But it was my reality from which they had departed. What was their new reality? I believe in God and His promise of eternal life, but where actually is heaven? Where is this place we will continue on forever?
“What a wonderful life I’ve had, only wish I had realized it sooner.” ~ S.G. Colette (Author, Actress 1873-1954)       
       Suddenly, I experienced overwhelming relief my reality still belonged above ground possessed of moments to wrestle with thoughts and feelings, even lost and confused ones. I would deal with heaven later. I had my heaven on earth with a healthy family, probably wondering where on earth I had departed.
“There will come a time when you believe everything is finished. That will be the beginning.” ~ Louis L’Amour (American Novelist 1908-1988)
       I whispered a prayer of gratitude for time to reflect and said goodbye to the stoney congregation. I calmly cranked the car, drove out slowly listening to the gravel crunching beneath my tires, back through the narrow iron gate, and headed home.
       The house was oddly tranquil, kids settled in front of the TV, as if I’d done everyone a favor removing myself. I knew this peaceful scene would not last long, but at least I had gained a fresh perspective.
       My husband asked me where I had been.
       “Communicating with the dead,” I said.
       “What did they say?”
       “Nothing. Absolutely nothing.”